Difficult situation at home, stressed times at work, global coronavirus pandemic – whatever it is, staying positive and strong in tough times is crucial to being able to find a healthy coping response, solve the problem and move on. Here are 9 ways to stay positive and strong in tough times, at work or in your personal life, according to psychology.
Staying strong and positive #1: Assess your thoughts
We have between 40,000 and 60,000 thoughts every day! Imagine if you worried about so many things. What can it do to your confidence in dealing with problems! It certainly increases anxiety, depression and creates a sense of helplessness.
But research shows that 85% of the things we worry about actually end up being okay. And even when our worries do become a reality, 79% of us say we handled the outcome better than we thought we would. This means that 97 percent of what we worry about is not much more than an anxious, panicking mind torn apart by misperceptions and exaggerations.
So don’t be a prisoner of your own thoughts. Next time you find yourself asking the ‘But what if’ question, spend some time assessing your thoughts:
- Are you overreacting? What is the evidence that your worries may become a reality? Try to look at the facts in an objective way.
- Does worrying help you in this situation? Does it motivate a healthy coping response? Or does it result in panic? Worrying helpful only if it prompts you to take action which will help you solve the problem.
- Are you generalising based on your past experiences when something didn’t work out? Therefore assuming that the negative outcome from the past will repeat itself? Instead acknowledge that failures are situation specific and temporary and one negative outcome from the past doesn’t determine the outcome of the current difficult time
Staying strong and positive #2 :Reflect on past experiences
Dissect your current experience and compare it to other similar experiences from your past. How can you use what you’ve learned before and apply it to the current situation?
If you have previously managed to succeed through tough times, you can certainty do so now as well. Because the past experiences made you more resilient, wise and experienced.
So do you allow yourself to give up after faced with this challenge? Or you demonstrate resilience, face the challenge, sustain your efforts and bounce back and beyond?
Staying strong and positive #3: Set goals to move forward
Action breeds motivation and confidence. Critical for your ability to overcome challenging times, whether at work on in your personal life, you need to have willpower, i.e. the energy and determination to do something about the problem, and waypower, ideas about paths and confidence in generating alternative paths.
In other words, start with setting some goals. Execute on those with determination. But if things still don’t work out, continue carving new paths until eventually you have success.
This is especially important if we’re undergoing a big change in life. It’s easy to feel hopeless and helpless, especially if the change is imposed on us. If this is the case, check out this detailed article with a practical worksheet on how to effectively manage change in your life.
Staying strong and positive #4: Focus on the positives
You can fixate on the bumpy journey or think about the positive outcomes in the end. Here’s how going through tough times may actually help you:
- Increases your resilience so you’re better able to overcome future challenges and bounce back quicker.
- Gives you opportunity to learn from your trials and mistakes in finding solutions.
- Helps you put things in perspective and show greater appreciation for everything you have now.
- Takes you on a self-discovery journey and allows you to discover new strengths, skills, persistence and stamina you never knew you had.
- Gets you closer to your loved ones.
So next time you go through a challenging moment, think about how much better and stronger you will be at the end of the journey.
Staying strong and positive #5: Switch off and smile
Spend some time doing things you enjoy. If the situation is within your control, this will distract you from the problem temporarily, thus help you clear your mind. You then think more objectively. If the situation is beyond your control, this will reduce your stress, give you your optimism back, give you a reason to smile and remind you why it’s worth it. You otherwise risk burning out and not being able to sustain your efforts.
Even a forced or fake smile is good for you, according to psychological research. In one study, researchers placed chopsticks in people’s mouths to produce a smile, or neutral expression. The subjects in the smiling group had lower heart rate variability and were less stressed. Less stress means better handling of the pressure.
Staying strong and positive #6: Rely on your top strengths
People who use their strengths every day are 3 times more likely to say they have an excellent quality of life. If one population group faces challenges regularly, it’s working mothers – stressed, torn apart by feelings of guilt, lacking time to take care of themselves in an attempt to look after their kids, household, work and everything in between, often without help. Here are 2 examples how 2 strong working mothers use their strengths, optimism and patience, in difficult times.
I look at what good will come from the sometimes overwhelming and difficult time. I think of how lucky I am to have it instead of what my life is lacking. There are people praying for what I do have, so I should be thankful.
It’s easy to feel hurried when you’re running late and trying to get a fussy toddler dressed in the morning. I take a deep breath, remember the psychology behind being a toddler and it gives me the patience to work on the problem.
To identify your strengths ask yourself these questions:
- What quality has helped me to overcome adversity in the past?
- Which of my skills do people compliment me on?
- What do I do when I think ”Gosh, I’m really good at this”?
- What have others had me help them with on more than one occasion?
Then next time you face a difficult situation, pull your top strength(s) and use it to your advantage.
Staying strong and positive #7: Show gratitude
Cultivating gratitude as a ritual for a few minutes every day reduces stress hormones such as cortisol by as much as 23%. It also improves sleep quality, decreases blood pressure and lowers HRV (heart rate variability, i.e. sudden changes in your heart rate). This makes you feel less stressed and more relaxed. Recalling positive feelings of appreciation also switches your positive mindset on.
Importantly don’t show gratitude to others only. Be grateful for who you are as well – you have a unique combination of strengths, skills and knowledge and these help you every single day. And will help you through these tough times as well. So be grateful to yourself as well.
Staying strong and positive #8: Practice self-compassion
Self compassion means to treat yourself with care and concern when considering your mistakes and failures. High self-compassion is associated with better wellbeing and health, resilience, happiness, optimism and emotional intelligence. Next time you find yourself self-criticising in tough times do the following:
- Remind yourself that every human being makes mistakes or may fail, not just you. We just don’t see that often in others, because people portray their positive self in social media.But you always see it in yourself.
- Try to be less critical and harsh on yourself. Try to separate your inner criticizing voice from the emotional voice. How does the emotional voice respond to the criticism? Does it feel hurt, not supported? Does the criticising voice help in any way? Is it objective?
- Don’t overreact and get yourself in a drama experience. Offer yourself compassion but don’t be carried away in exaggerating your painful experiences.
Staying strong and positive #9: Reach out to others
After a great battle, chimps seek the comfort of their family and spend quality time together reaffirming their bonds. Humans are no different. We are social creatures and seek other human’s contact for reassurance, comfort and warmth. Reach out to people you enjoy spending time with.
But watch out for too much negativity from others or bad news intake. Even if it’s your best friend, you’re better off staying away from the negativity than enter a negative spiral which is difficult to come out of and you may end up depressed and/or anxious rather than motivated to do something and move on.
Are you going to try any of these methods? Comment below.
Since you’re here, why not check this article on how to reduce your stress by developing your HERO (which is not what you think it is)?
What do you think?