How to Cope With Change in Your Life, Step By Step

We get in and out of multiple relationships, go through work, life and economic crises, relocate, change jobs and careers. We go through more changes than ever before.

Knowing how to cope with change will mean you are more resilient and happier, less depressed, stressed or anxious.

Below, I walk you through the three steps on how to effectively cope with change in your life or at work, according to psychology: (1) letting go of the old, even in times of uncertainty, (2) transitioning, even if the new is still fuzzy and undefined and (3) establishing the new beginning.

To help you guide this process for the changes you experience in your life, I created a simple, but super helpful practical worksheet. It provides you with a comprehensive framework with change management techniques to do the right things at the right time in order to deal with the change in your life effectively and prevent stress, anxiety and resistance.

Simply CLICK HERE and you’ll get immediate access to it!

This will also subscribe you to the Elegant Mind email list. But don’t worry! I’m not a spammer and the newsletter provides extra work and career tips as well!

SIGN UP + DOWNLOAD THE WORKSHEET HERE

How to Cope with Change in Your Life Step 1 : Get Ready to Let Go

You’re unlikely to accept something which you feel negative towards. So you need to:

1. Understand how you feel – what emotions is the change evoking in you?
2. Understand the change – what are the details and opportunities? What’s in it for you?

Understand How You Feel

It’s natural to experience different feelings during the whole process and to switch from positive to negative, from optimism to pessimism and vice versa.

Understanding (1) your feelings and (2) what aspects of the change make you feel this way, from the start is critical for deciding what you’re going to do next.

For example, you may feel shocked and confused at first, but then as you seek more information you may start feeling optimistic and confident.

Understand the Change

Just as you can’t accept the change because you feel negative about it, you’re unlikely to accept it if you can’t make sense of what’s going to happen.

Start by asking yourself the 5 W’s – what, when, where, why and who. And if you’ve been through a similar change before and it didn’t go well at all, ask yourself ‘What can I do differently this time to turn it into a positive change?’

You may not be able to find answers to all of your questions from the beginning. But get to a position where you feel comfortable with the amount of information you have and the number of unanswered questions.

Understand both the positive and negative impacts of the change.

But don’t focus too much on the negatives. This will make it difficult to let go.

Say a loved one passed away. What possible positives can that bring? But you better look for the best in the worst, than the worst in the best. This change may fundamentally change how you live your life which brings many positives in the long term.

Finally, seek reliable information. Avoid rumours and gossip. If something doesn’t make sense, don’t try to fill in the gaps by making assumptions.

Say your company is acquired by a large corporation. It’s easy to assume that the good days are gone and your job will be lost. This is a natural survival instinct reaction preparing you for the worst. Instead, seek information from your manager, department head, HR.

Let Go

If you’d like the exact prompts to guide your journey of understanding the change and your feelings and coming to terms with the old you can download the full practical worksheet HERE.

How to Cope with Change in Your Life Step 2: Transition

Now that you’re ready to let go, you enter the ‘Neutral Zone’. The transition time. The New still isn’t established but the Old no longer serves its purpose and we’ve come to terms with it.

Transitions happen to the individual. To YOU and me. They are psychological, always take longer than implementing the actual change and are defined by starting to behave, think and feel differently. To ease your transition:

1. Take action.
2. Continue to reflect on your feelings.
3. Take care of your physical and mental health.

Take Action

It’s easy to feel stuck and helpless. To say ‘All I can do is wait and see’. But regardless if the change is sudden, imposed on you, positive or negative, it’s best to empower yourself. Taking action gives you confidence, a sense of control and purpose – all crucial to effectively cope with the change and uncertainty and reduce your anxiety and stress.

Note avoidance/denial also are forms of action. But avoidance is not a healthy and useful approach.

Firstly, it drains your cognitive and emotional resources as you deliberately (and often desperately) try to avoid the change. Secondly, you probably won’t be able to avoid the change for long anyway. And thirdly, it may damage your reputation and your relationships.

So take positive action.

For example, if your manager changes, instead of denying it and asking to continue to report to your current manager, take action to quickly build rapport with your new manager.

If a loved one passes away, make an effort to improve the relationship with your other loved ones.

If you’re going through a difficult breakup, learn from the experience rather than get fixated on the pain and grief.

If your industry is facing an economic crisis, try to find innovative solutions, e.g. by adapting ideas from other industries.

If you’ve done Step 1 to understand the change, it shouldn’t be difficult to create an action plan. If you haven’t already, jump back to Step 1 or download the full list of prompts to understand the change in detail HERE.

Take Care of Yourself

I’ve also listed 6 other effective stress management activities specifically chosen for stressful change times in the downloadable worksheet. You can get it HERE.

Continue to reflect on your feelings

It’s important to continue to evaluate your feelings. If you find yourself feeling angry or anxious, confused or uncertain:

1. Acknowledge your feelings instead of suppressing them.
2. Take back the control – Return to Step 1. Take some time to again reflect on the change, its positives and opportunities and how to take a different action.

Transition: Top Tips

• Stick with the transition, even if there’s uncertainty or confusion. Rather than denying or sabotaging it, take positive action.
• Don’t get impatient. Implementing a change may take time but a transition can take even longer.
• Continue to focus on the positives and embrace your creative self to find new solutions.
• Don’t ignore or suppress your feelings. Continue to reflect on how you feel and take relevant action to change that.
• Seek support if you can’t cope on your own.

How to Cope with Change in Your Life Step 3: The New Beginning

Now that you’ve taken some action to actively deal with the change in your life, you’re likely feeling happy and energised, eager to learn, and optimistic as you’ve started seeing some good outcomes. In order to sustain the change and make the most of the new beginning it’s helpful to:

1. Set goals.
2. Celebrate your successes in the process.
3. Write a mission statement.

Set Goals

You may have transitioned to the new but this is not a reason to stop taking action.

Set SMART goals, evaluate your progress regularly and reward yourself for your successes. This will help you integrate the new into your routine which will significantly reduce your stress, and give you a sense of purpose. It will also help you make the most of the new situation and maximise your learnings and the benefits, even if the change was negative or imposed on you.

If you’re unsure where to start, check out my other article on creating a powerful personal growth and development plan.

Celebrate Your Success

You’ve successfully navigated through the change. Big or small, this is a reason to celebrate your success.

Take the time to reflect on what you’ve learned. Managing this change made you stronger, resilient and you may have developed a bunch of new skills. You may have become more resourceful, creative, patient and empathetic. Whatever it is, celebrate it.

This is also a good time to reaffirm your confidence. Take the time to reflect on how YOU and YOUR skills and strengths made a difference. Taking the time to reflect on your feelings, thoughts and behaviour has made you more self-aware and people with high self-awareness are more confident and successful.

Write Your Mission Statement

New Beginning: Top Tips

• It’s normal to slip back to Step 2, working on the transition, or even Step 1, questioning why this change is happening and what’s in it for you. Take your time to re-complete the exercises and don’t be hard on yourself.
• Take the time to look back and celebrate your successes but don’t forget to continue looking forward and set goals for the future

Final Words